PrintBoth the NYT and the WaPo today ran the requisite Can You Believe Tiger Was So Dense As To Sext His Side Pieces pieces. With the wired world awash in countless new and improved ways to get caught cheating, the papers marvel (citing the recent texting troubles of slut puppies like Sen. John Ensign and former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick), why would any sane man even think of leaving an e-trail of his sins?
But isn't the insanity the point? Whether digital or analog, risk has always been central to the fun of cheating. (Not that banging a cocktail waitress with enormous knockers isn't fun in and of itself, but work with me here.)
Guys have all that testosterone slushing through their bodies making them ....what's the clinical term again?...stupid. The transgressiveness of an illicit romp is just too delicious for many of them to resist. And the possibility of getting caught by one's partner only adds to the spice.
Sure, men tend to be sloppier about the details than women, thoughtlessly leaving incriminating receipts or cell phone bills lying around. (I cannot tell you how many times I've found receipts for my "surprise" Christmas or birthday gifts sitting on the kitchen counter.) But to some degree, men just can't help but climb farther and farther out on that limb. I shudder to think of how many naughty boys get their kicks from sexting the Other Woman while seated next to the missus at the dinner table or the kiddies' soccer game. Gross? Childish? Likely to earn them a knife in the crotch if they're ever found out? You betcha. But that's what makes it so hot.
And it's why even otherwise sane guys will keep on sending those naughty emails and voice mails and text messages--no matter how many of their cheating brethren wind up with a golf club through the window of their car.
And with that, and because I'm always looking for an excuse to go "Glee":
COMMENTS (7)
Really, transgressiveness? Maybe married guys just sext because, well, they like sex and they like texting.
On the other hand, I sense that Chris Orr is playing an extremely long game here. He leaves Christmas gift receipts lying around for Michelle to find, thus luring her into a false sense of security about his faithfulness. "How can a guy so thoughtless possibly hide his cheating?" she asks, while he surfs craigslist casual encounters over Tor from his encrypted laptop.
Think about it, people. The man sees movies for a living. That's the best excuse ever.
Really, transgressiveness? Maybe married guys just sext because, well, they like sex and they like texting.
On the other hand, I sense that Chris Orr is playing an extremely long game here. He leaves Christmas gift receipts lying around for Michelle to find, thus luring her into a false sense of security about his faithfulness. "How can a guy so thoughtless possibly hide his cheating?" she asks, while he surfs craigslist casual encounters over Tor from his encrypted laptop.
Think about it, people. The man sees movies for a living. That's the best excuse ever.
Cell phone bills are why pay-as-you-go cell phones were invented. Without cheaters, that entire industry segment would collapse.
The real enemy (not the first time) is monogamy, an archaic, foolish myth that survives from olden times like some gnarly vestigial appendix that no one notices until it blows up.
A couple that has to enforce monogamy as some kind of rule that, when "broken" by someone "cheating," is a couple in name only, IMO. Put it another way: if my wife wants to pork another guy, why on Goddess' green earth would I want to stop her? Don't I want her to be happy?
Let's work backwards: if she wants to pork somebody else because she thinks it will make her happy and I don't want her ... view full comment
Cell phone bills are why pay-as-you-go cell phones were invented. Without cheaters, that entire industry segment would collapse.
The real enemy (not the first time) is monogamy, an archaic, foolish myth that survives from olden times like some gnarly vestigial appendix that no one notices until it blows up.
A couple that has to enforce monogamy as some kind of rule that, when "broken" by someone "cheating," is a couple in name only, IMO. Put it another way: if my wife wants to pork another guy, why on Goddess' green earth would I want to stop her? Don't I want her to be happy?
Let's work backwards: if she wants to pork somebody else because she thinks it will make her happy and I don't want her to because it will make me unhappy, then I'm putting my happiness above hers--i.e., we're not a couple. All the same-last-names and kids and Mr. and Mrs. and weddings and honeymoons and tax forms and everything do not make us a couple. We might as well marry some rich immigrant who wants to stay in the country, if our own happiness is so goddamn important. So why play this monogamy silliness?
Jealousy and insecurity is a symptom, and I don't mean of infidelity.
Only someone who wishes every day that he will die before his beloved dies knows what I'm talking about.
This made me think of an interview I saw, I think it was on 60 minutes, with a male celebrity- I can't remember which- that was diagnosed with some smoking-related terminal illness. Not much to go on, but I remember the exchange itself much better. The interviewer asked a question, the general gist of which was, 'presumably you now regret this manifestly stupid decision to smoke'. The answer was as close to no as permitted under such circumstances (to the considerable indignation of the interviewer). Sure it was stupid he supposed- he wasn't happy that he was dying- but it's not a question that lends itself to pat answers, not least when you're dying and take a greater interest in sincerity. ... view full comment
This made me think of an interview I saw, I think it was on 60 minutes, with a male celebrity- I can't remember which- that was diagnosed with some smoking-related terminal illness. Not much to go on, but I remember the exchange itself much better. The interviewer asked a question, the general gist of which was, 'presumably you now regret this manifestly stupid decision to smoke'. The answer was as close to no as permitted under such circumstances (to the considerable indignation of the interviewer). Sure it was stupid he supposed- he wasn't happy that he was dying- but it's not a question that lends itself to pat answers, not least when you're dying and take a greater interest in sincerity. That first cigarette in the morning, the way the smoke warms your throat on a cold day- whatever- there was something in it that couldn't be explained by rush of the high.
I think that's a relevant sentiment here. I don't think testosterone makes you stupid, or that the thrill of risking it all explains it all. Rather, I think there is something in our nature- a destructiveness for self, a callousness or antipathy toward that which we are supposed to care about- that does not fit the narrative we try to cram it in, and the remainder won't round, to use a Matrix-ism. I don't know whether that's simply a long-winded recognition of human duality, but it does make me question this kind of psychoanalysis, or anything that assumes to frame or comprehend the decisions people make by any sort of utilitarian tradeoff.
I dunno yard, I can think of a couple of reasons why I don't want my wife to boink some other guy, one, I have no desire to raise and pay for someone else's kid, and two, I have no desire to get the clap or any other std's. Even if you eliminate those two dangers entirely (she gets her tubes tied and he rubbers up to the max) there is always a chance since she is messing around she could meet in with some nut job who himself decides he owns her and he can figure the best way to get my house, my wife, etc. is to kill me, and barring that he might just decide to kill her. otoh, if she decides to have a lesbian affair, I say go for it and can I possibly videotape it once in a while.
Now if my wi ... view full comment
I dunno yard, I can think of a couple of reasons why I don't want my wife to boink some other guy, one, I have no desire to raise and pay for someone else's kid, and two, I have no desire to get the clap or any other std's. Even if you eliminate those two dangers entirely (she gets her tubes tied and he rubbers up to the max) there is always a chance since she is messing around she could meet in with some nut job who himself decides he owns her and he can figure the best way to get my house, my wife, etc. is to kill me, and barring that he might just decide to kill her. otoh, if she decides to have a lesbian affair, I say go for it and can I possibly videotape it once in a while.
Now if my wife were truly unhappy, I would not want her to stay with me whether out of fear or misplaced desire to be faithful for its own sake, so it really isn't a question of jealousy on my part, and I get your point and agree with that entirely, but just don't think that is the whole story.
I don't buy the thrill-seeking explanation for the trail of text messages....seems much more like evidence of sheer stupidity.
I don't buy the thrill-seeking explanation for the trail of text messages....seems much more like evidence of sheer stupidity.
Michelle, the correct spelling is hawt.
Of course, this part
had me SIMCACQTM (sitting in my chair and chuckling quietly to myself).
Michelle, the correct spelling is hawt.
Of course, this part
had me SIMCACQTM (sitting in my chair and chuckling quietly to myself).
Look, I've cheated, and I've sexted (long before it was popular in North America), and sometimes I've done both (one to get the other). In itself, it's neither thrill-seeking, nor especially sexy; "transgressive" it is not - whatever that might mean. You do it, cause you do it. Because you can, first of all - and BillYard is, as always, dead on. (I had my detailed bills switched into global sums so as not to bother.) And because you don't think, in your hubris, that you will get caught; or caught again; and again. Not stupid - not reckless - just a question of planning and calculating the odds. The planning is never fool-proof; the odds are sometimes long.
Some learn; I did. 100% odds ... view full comment
Look, I've cheated, and I've sexted (long before it was popular in North America), and sometimes I've done both (one to get the other). In itself, it's neither thrill-seeking, nor especially sexy; "transgressive" it is not - whatever that might mean. You do it, cause you do it. Because you can, first of all - and BillYard is, as always, dead on. (I had my detailed bills switched into global sums so as not to bother.) And because you don't think, in your hubris, that you will get caught; or caught again; and again. Not stupid - not reckless - just a question of planning and calculating the odds. The planning is never fool-proof; the odds are sometimes long.
Some learn; I did. 100% odds of not getting caught is not cheating, of course. As for sexting, simple calculation: nice piece of ass versus destroying career. As I have very high earning potential (with the stress on potential :P), I can confidently say that no piece of ass, no matter how hawt, is in itself worth wrecking it.
Now, posting on TNR ... that's something else :). (Here's hoping I won't get caught ....)