'Toyetic'

For anyone who fears he or she may hold Hollywood studio executives in insufficiently low esteem, the Wall Street Journal offers this trend story:

Soon to be starring in his own feature-length film with Universal Pictures: Stretch Armstrong, the pliant, muscle-bound doll whose roots go back to the 1970s. Big Wheel, the plastic tricycle, has its own TV show in the works. Even the board game Risk has a deal for a film, to be co-produced by star Will Smith....

John Fogelman represents the likes of Courteney Cox, Whoopi Goldberg and director J.J. Abrams for talent agency William Morris Endeavor Entertainment LLC. But lately, his hottest stars have been toys such as G.I. Joe and Candy Land from his client Hasbro Inc....

The craze for toy-driven feature films has given rise to a new term in the Hollywood lexicon. In production meetings, studio executives have begun asking if a particular project is "toyetic" -- meaning whether its concept can lend itself to a toy, and whether the project will be able to sell tickets and merchandise....

The fervor has allowed even the most uncinematic of playthings to get a shot at the silver screen. The Ohio Art Co., which owns Etch A Sketch, says it has received numerous calls from producers interested in acquiring the rights to make a stand-alone film based on the toy.

Battleship, Asteroids, Monopoly, Micronauts, and Barbie are among the other hot cinematic properties cited in the piece, though it fails to note that the screenwriters responsible for the abominable Transformers sequel are reportedly in talks to write a script about the Fisher Price View-Master.

I'd offer a punchline, but reality has usurped all the good ones.